


Bruised

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Before the First War, Bruises, F/M, Friendship, Love, Marauders, Marauders at hogwarts, Mudblood, Protection, Swearing, Violence, pureblood, trigger - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:40:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: Lily knows its her turn to protect them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There is violence.  
> But you gotta love the jily.
> 
> Enjoy.

Lily sighed heavily, the cigarette dangling between her finger tips, its bright orange embers flickering against the dark black sky around her. The top of the Astronomy Tower had always provided her with a quiet place to think despite the way the cold wind whipped around the building off the lake and enveloped her body. It used to send shivers down her spine, especially when she forgot her jumper in her room like she did tonight. Usually it would bother her but she felt like she needed the piercing cold of the wind on her skin, she needed it to make her feel something other than raw and numb.

The last few weeks had all but consumed her, the stress of homework, the overwhelming increase in violent incidents and that  _tosser_  who always seemed to infiltrate her thoughts. It was exhausting and infuriating as hell.

She brought the cigarette to her lips, inhaled deeply and released a long, drawn out breath. The smoke came out her mouth and nose; it danced around her face and was taken away with the wind across the school grounds. She watched it go wishing that she could float away that easily, be something or someone who was not cursed to feel forever static.

She rubbed her fingers into her temple; she didn’t know how to cope with the oncoming winter or with her friends,  _or her foes._ Ever since her rather large public blowout with Severus his friends had taken quite a liking to her. Every time she rounded a corner there one of them was with a malicious glare in their eye and a rather terrifying grimace. Of course she was never one to back down from a fight so when the glares and grimaces turned into physical retaliations and slurs she reacted.

She had gotten herself more detentions this year than any of her years at Hogwarts combined and her fists were decorated with more bruises than they had ever been in her whole life. She smirked at the thought, most of the time she did deserve the detention and she wouldn’t take back a single one of them. Even the one that landed her with Filch for a whole weekend, she would have scrubbed the entire castle to be able to return to the moment that her fist connected with Avery’s nose.

Thankfully her broken knuckle was easily repairable.

She ashed the cigarette gently with her finger and released another heavy sigh. Sirius had told her not to think about it too much, he had laughed it off with a joke about old family friends and Lily laughed too, at the time.  _Doesn’t make it hurt any less,_ she thought as Sirius’ frame disappeared through the hospital wing doors. When James had come to visit it had ended in a screaming match about ‘dangerous situations.’ She had complained to Sirius for weeks and he had smirked when she did,  _oh Evans,_ _why now?_

She couldn’t answer that. It had been years of hatred and bitter arguments and loud public throw-downs that had led her to believe her hatred for James Potter to be completely justified. He was obnoxious and crass, his head was too big for his shoulders and his mouth never stopped moving. He was an incessantly aggravating young boy who had become a rather endearing young man, someone she could even call friend. He had relaxed with the flirtation, it took her months to realize she missed that, and practically every girl in their grade took notice of the effects Quidditch training had on him much to her annoyance. She swore if she had to sit next to another group of girls at a Gryffindor match as they batted their eyelashes and muttered about his chiseled jaw she would vomit.

Again, Sirius had muttered,  _oh Evans._

It had been nice, the two of them being friends but she had become reclusive at the end of their past year, even more so during the summer when her parents had been killed. Now, being back at school, she felt like a frigid weight had encased her. The taunting hadn’t gotten to her; she could handle herself; it was much more the threats. She remembered vividly the day Mulciber and Carrow had cornered her on her way back from the library late one night. She had tried to brush them off, roll the words off her shoulder and hurry back to the room but they had decided otherwise.

She hadn’t been able to get the feel of his fingers wrapped around her throat out of her head; she still saw their jeering glances in her dreams as she wiggled underneath his grasp for air. They told her to stop consorting with pure bloods, their voices cold and callous. They told her that by turning them in mudblood sympathizers she would just get them killed alongside with her. His fingers clutched at her more severely as he spat the word mudblood.

She had returned to the common room that night and didn’t stop shaking the entire walk back. When she stormed through the portrait hole the angry tears had bubbled at the corners of her eyes and she swallowed hard, wincing at the painful bruising blooming around her neck. She could hear the fire crackling when she rounded the corner, Sirius and James leaning against the couch, their laughter warming the room. She felt like ice, she felt like if she got too close to their warmth she would melt. She wanted to keep them safe, her cherished _pure blooded_ friends.

“Oi, Evans you study too much I think you deser-” she was rapidly wiping the hot tears that dribbled onto her cheeks from her face.  
“Are you crying?” James voice hitched in his throat, she had hoped the darkness around her would hide her face.  
She smiled softly, forcefully, “Of course not Potter.”   
Her voice gave her away; she hadn’t realized how much she had been trembling.

Sirius had stood quickly and hurried over to her, his hand reached for her cheek and she jerked backwards, her hair falling from her shoulders to drape across her back. She watched as his eyes widened, as James eyes widened too, “Lily, what are those marks on your neck?” She clutched her book higher and tighter against her, she wanted to come up with something, a lie of some sort but her chest tightened. She knew them, she knew if she admitted what had happened they would go straight to planning an offensive attack and she could not have that, would not. They had always protected her; it was her turn.

She still couldn’t recall what she said but she sprinted away from them, up the dorm stairs and under the covers of her bed before they had any retort. The next day everyone prodded her about the markings, Marlene thought they were from snogging someone in the library and that instantly shut everyone up. They were more curious who had given her the love bites. She waved them off, her smile a mere mask and her laughter the shield.

The memory always made her chest tighten, the bruises had faded after weeks but that didn’t stop Mulciber from giving her new ones every so often. _Little reminders for you Mudblood_ , at least that’s what he would say. Only last month had he so generously graced her bicep with a hand print so purple she could barely sleep on that side for a week. It hadn’t faded much since then no matter how many times she tried to heal it. She figured she could have easily made it disappear if only her handz would stop shaking. But now that she was alone at the top of the tower that fact that her short white sleeves and pale skin highly contrasted the markings didn’t matter.

Until of course, it did.

“My-my Evans, I didn’t know you indulged in my very favourite sport.”

She jumped, her heart racing at the sudden fright, “Oh it’s you.”

The familiar curls of thick black hair and heavy leather jacket of Sirius Black came into view. He had a grin on his face, it was charming and Lily could see how her friends found him so alluring. She, however, had come to know him as a confidant, someone she could cling too for support. He had already been labelled, they were meant to be friends she figured, the blood-traitor and the mudblood. 

“I’m hurt Evans, I’m not just any _you_ ,” he winked as he dropped beside her. He yanked the cigarette from her fingers and took a long drag, “How refreshing.” She smirked at the soft look on his face but when he turned to look at her she realized he was looking at her arm rather than her eyes.

She tried to brush it off before he had the chance to speak, “I should tell that boy I’m snogging to be more gentle don’t you think?” She forced a laugh and winked at him, his brow still creased and his lips pursed.

“Oh we’re sticking with that story?” he brushed his fingers along the purple skin and look of worry plastering his face as he realized it was essentially a complete hand print. She looked back out at the twinkling stars along the dark sky, “I’ve got it covered Black. Stop your worrying, you sound like Potter.” She pulled another cigarette from the pack between her knees and lit it behind her hand, the wind now whipping her hair against Sirius’ shoulder.

“I know they’ve been harassing you, I’d just like to know why you think not telling us is a good idea?” He was burning holes into the side of her face with his eyes, he placed his hand over hers and his voice came out almost as a whisper.

She turned to look at him, the wind calming down and her hair fluttering back to dangle around her shoulders. The worry in his voice made her heart feel like it had moved into her throat, her voice felt hoarse when it came out, “You know better than anyone why I made this choice Sirius.” Her eyes fluttered closed as she willed herself to stop the tears welling in her eyes from dropping onto her cheeks. She knew they would be hot and thick against the bitter cold of her skin.

“I know,” his voice, once soft and alluring, became hollow.

Her fingers gently lifted to her neck as they had so many times before in the last little while and Sirius lifted his hand to grasp her wrist, “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened at the sudden apology and her head slowly turned to him, “Don’t. You aren’t like them. I’ll take it as long as I have too.”

Sirius dropped his hand, “You shouldn’t have to take anything Lily. Neither of us should. You know what James would-”

She felt panic arise in her chest, “No Sirius. You can’t say anything, if they know; if they find out I said anything-” she felt her heart race pick up speed, “They’ll hurt him Sirius.”

She clasped her hand around his wrist and squeezed tightly as his dark eyes stared back at her. It was as though she was trying to will her worry into him, will him to feel the same fear for James’ safety that she felt in the pit of her stomach. She could see by the lack of creases in his brow, he understood, hated it, but understood.

However, both of them were suddenly pulled out their conversation by the sound of a third voice, “Hurt who?”

Her eyes caught the familiar sight of tussled black hair and the warmest chocolate brown eyes. He was standing at the top of the stairs, his jumper clinging to his frame from the roaring wind and the light of the moon reflecting of his glasses. Her whole body froze,  _how much had he heard?_

“What’s going on?”

His voice was coated with concern, his hand wrapped around the railing of the stairs and his eyes fixed on her. She tore her own eyes from him and crushed the cigarette into the stone before flinging it off the tower, “Bloody hell.”

She took the pack of cigarettes from between her knees and dropped them in Black’s lap, “It’s late, I should get back.” She stood carefully from her spot next to Sirius, the wind causing her skirt to flutter wildly against her thighs. She turned around but James was already upon her, his hand gently wrapped around her forearm and his face scrunched up in confusion or anger, she wasn’t sure.

“What the fuck is going on with you Evans?”

The faint light caught on her bruising as he lifted her arm towards him and suddenly his face was jolted into shock, “What the hell is this?”

Sirius was standing behind them, his eyes on Lily and his bottom lip between his teeth, “Evans.”

James head turned to Sirius, his hand still holding onto Lily, “Anyone going to answer me?”

Lily was in shock. She wanted to tell him everything, unload the weight in her heart, lean into his chest and whisper all the pain away. They could carry the burden together; maybe they could even be together. _Finally_. Deep down she knew it was probably better that they knew, maybe things would get better even but fear had itself wrapped tightly around her. She could see James lifeless form in her mind, could see the Marauders beaten, bruised and gone. She could feel herself crumbling. Her body would drop to the ground and her tears would flow down her face for days or months or years until her own darkness would envelop her. It would be her fault; she couldn’t live with that. _Just stay away, just stay away, just stay away._ Those three words rang through her mind, just follow those words and they’ll be safe.

She could hear James cursing but her mind was stuck, she didn’t know what to say to get out of it and she didn’t want to tell him the truth. That’s when Sirius’ voice rang loud through her mind, “You know James.”

James made a sound that almost sounded like snarling, “I want names.”

His eyes were boring into her, his brow creased and his jaw clenched tightly. His hand was still wrapped around her forearm and she could feel the heat radiating form his body he was so close. He was towering over her.

She tore her gaze from him frantically and looked to Sirius, “You two need to mind your own bloody business.” She could feel the force of her anger, she was pulling it over the hurt and pain and wallowing she had been doing the last few months. Her three words flashing brightly in her mind, _just stay away, just stay away, just stay away_. They had become almost a mantra. She tried to pry her arm from James and even took a step back from him, the cold air enveloping her once again.

Sirius was avoiding her gaze, the cigarette still in between his lips and his eyes sullen, “I think you two need a moment.” He flicked the cigarette from between his fingers and sent it tumbling over the towers edge. James turned back to nod at him and he sent Lily an apologetic glance before turning to the staircase. She watched him tighten his leather coat around himself and rolled her eyes, “We don’t need a moment!”

James however seemed to be having none of it, “Don’t give me that Lily.”

He was back in her face again, but the more he stepped forward the further she stepped back until he finally had her pressed against a wall. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest at their close proximity but her eyes shut tightly, the last thing she needed was to look into those gorgeous eyes one second longer because she knew her resolve would deteriorate.

“Lily, please.”

But that just might do the trick too. His voice wasn’t brash and hoarse like it was before when he was snarling at her. The anger that she felt bubbling inside him at seemed to settle. It was like it had been replaced with an overwhelming sense of worry and sadness. He sounded like a meek child looking for answers, looking to make sure everything would be okay. She let her eyes flutter open to see him, see the all but helpless look in his eyes.

“I can’t.”

He was lifting his hands to cup her cheeks as she spoke, “Why can’t you?”

She lifted her own to clasp his wrists, “You know.”

He moved his head towards her and rested his forehead against her own, “I can’t see you in this much pain anymore. It’s killing me.”

She tightened her grasp on him, her eyes boring into his face and he tightly shut his eyes, “It’s worth it.”

She hadn’t meant to let the truth slip through her lips but it did and before she could take it back James was looking at her again, “What do you mean?”

She released a sigh before the words began to tumble out of her mouth as if by their own accord, “You’re a pure blood James, this conversation alone is enough to mark you as a traitor. Its not safe, I’m not-.”

The words were so hushed she wasn’t sure if he heard them and as she spoke she focused on the feel his warm hands resting on her icy skin. She could faintly hear the rhythm of his heart beat against the backdrop of the howling winds. It was almost soothing to be so close to him, feel so close to him. She was treasuring it. Trying to recall every last detail she could before she had to pull away.

“I don’t understand.”

She didn’t want to have to say the words out loud. It meant they were real, her feelings, they were more than just inside her. If she released them into the world, released them to him, she couldn’t take them back. But she knew he deserved to know. At least to set himself at ease.

“They’ll stay away from you, if I stay away from you. The marks, James the marks are just a reminder of that.”

The moments following her words felt like ages. James seemed to be in a shock, his eyes were glued to her but his body was frigid. That was until he wrapped himself around her. He spoke no words; he didn’t really need to right away. Instead he laced his arms around her waist as she lifted hers to wrap around his neck. His head was curled into the crook of her neck and she in turn put hers in the crook of his. His breathing was hot on her skin but their closeness sent her stomach into a tumultuous wave of butterflies. She had wanted to feel this for so long. How was she supposed to tear herself from him now?

“Why?” 

His question was muffled in her skin but she heard it and she tightened around him. She held him as tightly as she could and pressed her lips into his neck. He smelt like leather and gingerbread and smoke from a warm fire. It was familiar and homely. She never wanted to smell anything else every again. Nothing could ever make her feel this happy.

“Because I love you.”

Her words were as muffled as his. She was breathing them out into his skin as though trying to brand him with it. She wanted him to feel it everywhere, feel that love. If he could than maybe, just maybe, it would be okay to feel that way. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a submission I made.
> 
> http://asktheboywholived.tumblr.com/post/153142928619/ooc-written-by-carpetheday-decided-to-do


End file.
